Today the Ageing Rockstar attains the grand old age of 62.  Having ascertained that i would not be buying him a guitar, or anything too guitar-like, he was persuaded to widen his aspirations on the birthday present front.

“I might quite like one of those kindles,” he said, “then i could play games on it like i did on my old tablet thingy.”

The old tablet thingy was indeed old.  It was almost as old as the Ageing Rockstar.  As well as being a dab hand with a guitar, the Ageing Rockstar is also a dab hand with a spanner. In a past life he earned a crust through spannering cars.  At this point i will need to leave you, dear reader, in order to check with mr google whether there is another meaning for the word ‘spannering’.  [sound of footsteps disappearing]

[sound of footsteps reappearing] It would appear that spannering is a safe word, but spannered can mean out of one’s head on drugs.  So just to be clear the Ageing Rockstar was often spannering but never spannered.  Newer readers may wonder at my caution on the  question of etymology.  Suffice to say, for some time i used to threaten to teabag my son, until i discovered the modern use of the word.

“Back to the point!”, i hear you cry.  Well the old tablet thingy was purchased by the Ageing Rockstar in order to better understand the muttering of cars.  It seems you can plug things into the innards of a car and the car will speak to you of its deepest feelings and insecurities.  Such a gentle approach often avoids excessive spannering.  The old tablet thing was therefore primarily a vehicle communication device.  In any event it has long given up the ghost, having no cars to speak to, so the Ageing Rockstar has had nothing to play Zombie Duck Killing on. I resolved to buy him a new gadget.

Last night found me ransacking the house for wrapping paper before remembering that wrapping paper was one of the victims of decluttering.  The Ageing Rockstar was accordingly presented with his present this morning wrapped in silver foil.

“Ooh, is it something to put in the oven?”  He enquired, before rather helplessly tugging at the corner.  “You’ve stuck it down with sellotape!  I can’t open it - i’m too old!”

With a little assistance access was obtained and the new gadget was switched on.  Thoughtfully the manufacturers had filled it up with a little bit of electricity so its new owner could get on with killing zombie ducks straight away.

“Ooh!  It says amaze - on!” Said the Ageing Rockstar, “and now its telling me to light the fire!”

The Ageing Rockstar then started to open the other part of his present, a case for the gadget.

“I can’t open it”, he wailed, “my oldness is getting worse!”  With a bit of encouragement he managed to not only open the packaging but also put the gadget into its new case.  Peace then reigned for some time while its full capabilities were explored.

He has now settled down to look at guitars on it...


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